Sweet ultrasound pictures and a panic attack

16 Sep

We had the 35 week appointment today and got another ultrasound. It’s important to mention that this ultrasound wasn’t routine, that we requested it because we wanted another 3D ultrasound on the cheap (the tech our ofc uses only charges $60 for a 3D whereas they’re a few hundred elsewhere). Our OB agreed to list it as a growth check so insurance would cover it. We thought that very cool of her. The ultrasound was great–lots of blinking, sticking out his tongue at us, he’s a big boy!

Andy went back to work after the ultrasound and I hung around for the appointment. The OB came in and said he measured at the 82% for size–he’s a big boy! Then she did the “Well, there’s was just this one little tiny thing and we’re sure it’s fine but….” The ventricles in his brain are measuring on the “upper end” of normal. She said she expected it was more a function of his size in general and not an abnormality but since he’s big, big ventricles, and I also am on the “upper end” of normal for amniotic fluid, they wanted to do another ultrasound in 3 weeks.

Now that I’m home, I’m full of questions–what were the exact measurements of the ventricles? How do they define “upper end”? They had a pretty liberal definition of “upper end” for the glucose tolerance test–do they just use really wide guidelines to protect against liability? What exactly will they be looking for in three weeks, etc. etc. I’m sort of embarrassed at my reaction during the appointment–she mentioned it, then moved on to weight, etc. and I just kind of blanked out–I couldn’t really think of anything to ask and even when I was answering questions about diet I kept thinking I knew I should ask questions about it but my brain just completely shut down.

So of course I have googled ventriculomegaly (as has Andy, which is why we are such a good pair) and mostly what we’ve found is that mild ventriculomegaly with no other abnormalities really doesn’t mean anything. And I’ve had both my mom and Andy remind me that she said the upper end of normal and that’s still NORMAL. And I remind myself that there’s absolutely nothing I can do in this situation (except escalate myself) so I need to practice some acceptance and let it go. So normal is still normal and I’m going to leave it alone now and watch some House.

The visit then proceeded on as usual and the OB sure seemed casual. I got the closest I’ve come so far to a lecture about eating more since I’ve only gained a pound in the last month. She said that the baby is obviously growing fine but she was more concerned about my ability to keep my energy up if I’m not eating enough to compensate for what he’s getting from me. To celebrate the Eat More Order, Will and I just had pizza for dinner and he’s gone to the store to get some prescribed chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know what’s up with the weight thing, I’ve put on probably anywhere from 22-26 or so lbs so far (it would have been helpful to know what I weighed before pregnancy but I shun scales). I’ve certainly been eating my fair share and that weight gain is right on track with most of the guidelines. Ah well, on with the desserts!

In work news, this editorialwas in the PI this past weekend. It’s been a bit of an ongoing theme during my time in case management–a client who is extremely decompensated has to meet a ridiculous level of incapacity (or potentially lethal behavior) before the MHPs will involuntarily hold them. We often have to let people “slide” a lot–we have to sit back and watch them refuse treatment, refuse their families’ and our attempts to engage them, and stand by as they slowly deteriorate before we can have them hospitalized. Once we do, it’s pulling teeth to get them held longer than 72 hours and they can even refuse medications for the last 24 hours of that! I hate that it’s taking the murders in Skagit County and Shannon Harps’s death to call some attention to the wacky involuntary laws here. Hopefully the attention will ultimately keep more people safe and fewer clients from total decompensations (they never seem to recover as well as they were prior to decomp).


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